[It's] hard to come down too harshly on this remake.

The mix of laughs, shocks and gruesomeness is much the same as in the two Tales from the Crypt movies, but Malone coaxes a slightly fresher flavour, taking on board the influence of David Fincher and even Lars von Trier.

Consistently inert -- even though the fee for successful housesitting has been raised to a million bucks a night.

Unfortunately, the plot and action are so slow and plodding that if feels like it takes forever to get to the end we all see coming from the beginning.