Between stilted conversations, murky cinematography, and the story’s intimate partner violence, the film is distracting in an unpleasant way.

As exciting and steamy as a teen who keeps accidentally snapping his date’s bra in the middle of a fumbling hook-up.

This “Thing” ends up being forgettable, that fate sealed by a weak fade-out. Nonetheless, it’s a diverting enough way to spend 90-odd minutes.

While the film boasts glossy visuals and a capable central performance by Alicia Silverstone, it ultimately feels hollow—an undercooked narrative dressed up in seductive lighting.