With all the gazillion planets in the galaxy to choose from, the warring Cybertron races of "Autobots" (the sort of goodies) and "Decepticons" (the sort of baddies) descend on Earth in search of a missing cube. This "allspark" - landed on our planet aeons ago and for many years has been unwittingly in the custody of the always competent US military and their "Section 7" operatives - currently led by "Simmons" (John Turturro). Now it transpires that there is a clue to the location of this gizmo - and that is to be found on the spectacles of the grandfather of "Sam" (Shia LaBeouf), only he doesn't know it. The goodies decide to protect him by providing him with one of their number, the ultimate convertible car "Bumblebee" but that doesn't actually end up being much use as his bodyguard and soon poor old "Sam" and his gal "Mikaela" (the startlingly wooden Megan Fox) are embroiled in the action-packed Meccano movie. The star is easy on the eye and has a soupçon of charisma to bring, but otherwise this is just a shockingly derivative series of repetitive fight scenes featuring robots between whom it is almost impossible to distinguish. Their vocals all seem to involve them speaking into the microphone through an old pair of socks, and as it lurches on I gradually found I really couldn't care less whether the red robot beat the black one - you just know this is but the start of a nev…

Car fetishism, good vs evil, alien (illegal of course) emigrants wrecking havoc, military might, some conspiracy theories for perspective, and male bravery that saves the day. Much action, next to nothing in substance. Skip it, unless you are a teenager.

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