Just as Pinocchio wasn’t a real boy to start, this wasn’t a real movie – and there’s almost no chance it learnt enough lessons to become one with a soul.

Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee, it didn’t work for me.

A misguided redo.

The pacing is hopelessly unwieldly, with unnecessary deviations from the original film, added characters who don’t really have purpose and do not propel the plot, and new songs that are not up to Disney standards.